Let's write something on the last day of 2020 to get through this rather unusual year.
If you had asked me on the first day of 2020 to guess what my year would be like, I certainly wouldn't have imagined the mood with which I would write this piece today. If this year has been totally shit for most people, for me, it has been quite a good year, even with the pandemic, even though life hasn't gone as I wished, because I met a girl, my life and my world are totally changed.
The most severe times of the pandemic did not come with a good mood. If I had been at school instead of at home, I believe the pandemic life would have been much more interesting. I would have spent a lot of time filling my head with more and more knowledge. The pandemic life at home was spent in meetings, playing games, buying materials, and various bad moods, with actual work time (referring to the time spent coding and supplementing knowledge to improve coding) being pitifully little. Almost all the work was just patching up the original upper computer program, making some adaptations, and the only relatively original work was deploying a pretty cool UI with a new page-switching mode. In summary, the pandemic life at home indeed deepened my understanding of C#, and if all goes well, I could write more "commercial" applications myself. Of course, my understanding of Peace Elite has also deepened, perhaps even more so, especially with the support of the terrible internet at home. The happy times during those days were spent playing games with friends and hanging out nearby, as well as gatherings with good buddies from many years ago. These old friends always come to my side when I need them the most (though I wouldn't say it), and everyone is still the same as when we first met—talking about everything, loving life, dreaming about the future, and living sincerely and happily in this world that we all still have hope for.
The girl's mood wasn't very good due to the pandemic. When chatting with her, I could feel her strong emotional fluctuations even through the screen. If the pandemic needs some correct collective memory, I have little to say. I recall a saying I saw on Weibo, "What is currently being done with great fervor and urgency is a psychological compensation for the concealment and delay of the same period last year. It's good to mend the sheepfold after the sheep are lost, but it's not good to treat light matters as heavy." During the most severe times of the pandemic, for those who care about the pandemic and are experiencing it, if one doesn't have a strong heart (in fact, no one can remain indifferent while genuinely caring and receiving various information; there are only two ways to feel better: choosing not to care and choosing not to accept information), it has ultimately been a difficult time.
Returning to school was indeed much happier. In the early days after returning, no study, all game. Until I discovered a serious progress issue in one part of my graduation project, everyone started to get busy, from initially being full of fighting spirit to being on the brink of exhaustion (more about the change in mood, from full of hope to full of despair; indeed, a sense of responsibility is not a good thing). Although we kept saying it was a mess, being busy still taught me many new things. I made some theoretical to practical leaps in schematics, PCBs, and 32 programming. Although still shallow, there is a huge difference between having done it and not having done it. More importantly, I enjoyed the feeling of being on the edge of death; I like pushing myself to the limit, working tirelessly, and unleashing my potential. I graduated smoothly and even got an opportunity to showcase in front of the whole school. In short, my mood wasn't great, but the gains weren't small; it felt like I didn't waste four years. Doing something like this as college was coming to an end wasn't bad in terms of timing. As for my mood, when has it ever been particularly great? It is what it is.
The holiday after graduation was still a mix of joy and sorrow. Perhaps I don't get along well with myself; I need more and more time alone, but being alone makes my mood worse. Fortunately, I still had work to do. I just left Nanjing Airlines and went to Hefei, staying for a week. I really like the feeling of living alone in a strange city; with every step I take away, there are new surprises. I particularly enjoy this kind of carefree life. I also accomplished quite a bit of work, reading a lengthy literature piece and learning a lot about G4 principles. The feeling of stuffing these previously unfamiliar things into my brain was pretty good and quite interesting. Back at home, I was also pushed by my senior brothers, so I learned a lot, read many papers, and it felt great to learn whatever I was interested in.
The girl called me a few times over several nights, talking about that "intense" conversation. The girl didn't do anything wrong; I was more at fault, like a child checking if the person in front of them cares about them, turning my face away to see if she noticed my unhappiness. It was very childish, but the child got the candy they wanted 🍬. I shared my unhappiness before the semester started with the girl; I really like her.
The time after the semester started was uneventful. The graduate education before classes and the classes after were no different from undergraduate studies, except for the supply time of hot water and the need to ride a bike to get to the classroom. My doctoral journey began in such calmness until early October when the girl came to Beijing to find me. Those days felt like yesterday; I completely fell in love with her.
The remaining time of 2020 is our love story, and 2021, 2022, 2023... Hehe, every year in the future will be like this! This is our love story 💓.